A trip down memory lane…
When growing up my main goal was to fit in. I wanted to blend in and be like everyone else because I knew one way or another I was standing out. I was a mixed race adoptee growing up in a mostly white suburban area. I was younger than others at school because I had skipped a year. When having to choose what to do with my life, although I had many interests, I did what I thought society expected of me: choose only one thing and stick to it.
I wanted to blend in. I wanted to conform. I wanted to be accepted and belong. And I thought this meant changing who I was, trying to fit into boxes that felt too small for me. But the truth of the matter is I couldn’t. I never could. I was mixed race, I was younger than others at school and I wasn’t interested in only one thing. I didn’t fit into the boxes no matter how much I wanted to.
Fast forward 10 years and although I’m older (and wiser ?) and stopped trying to blend in most of the time, I still do it more often than I would like to admit.
I stopped writing on this blog more than 2 months ago because I was busy, but also because I was uninspired, as if I couldn’t write about what I really cared about. Who set those rules? I did.
I started this blog one year ago (yeah, happy birthday my dear blog!) as an experiment and a challenge and enjoyed it tremendously. I got to share stories about people with many interests, fascinating projects… And a few months in, I had started taking all of this way too seriously and any enjoyment was gone. I was trying to blend in once again, trying to do what I thought I should do. Top dog got the best of me and it all got boring, it wasn’t me and I stopped writing.
…Reconnecting with who I am and what I want
Last week I read a blog post written by another blogger who also hadn’t written for more than 2 months. This got me pumped up, I commented and she commented back challenging me to start writing again too. And here I am and I’m glad to be back.
After all this is my blog I should be able to write whatever the hell I want and not what I think I’m supposed to. I should follow my own advice.
And even though I don’t know exactly what I will do with this blog yet, I won’t let myself get in my own way. I won’t force myself into a box I’ve created when what I really long for is the freedom to be and do what I want, to explore, experiment and have fun.
I’ll see you on the other side!